Parenting Plans

When discussing a parenting plan for your children following separation from your spouse, remember there is no "standard" parenting plan for divorced couples. What worked or was court-ordered for your friends who are divorced is not necessarily what is appropriate in your circumstances.

An appropriate child custody and visitation plan will vary depending on the ages of the children, their school schedule, the work schedules of the parents, and the geographic distance between the parents' homes. The parenting plan should provide regular, consistent times with each parent for day-to-day care, school and extra-curricular activities, holidays and vacations. The plan should be adjusted to accommodate the children, not the parents' convenience.

If the parents do not communicate or cooperate well, it may be necessary to set times for exchange of the children, provide which parent will provide transportation, and at times even where the children will be picked up and dropped off. The parenting plan should be detailed enough to avoid conflicts that may arise in the day-to-day parenting of your children. If the child is involved in sports, religious, or other activities, there should be provision for which parent (or both) are responsible for transporting the child to those activities.

At the same time, the parents should agree on which activities the children are involved. It is not appropriate for one parent to enroll the child in an activity without consulting the other parent, especially where doing so would impact the other parent's time with that child. A sound parenting plan should allow the child frequent and regular contact with both parents while affording them a safe, nurturing home environment.

Finally, if either parent has a problem with drug or alcohol abuse, violence, or neglect, you should consult an agency, therapist or attorney to assist in making adjustments to assure the child's safety and well-being. There are numerous web sites on the internet that can assist you with guidelines, suggestions, and even worksheets to assist with a sound, detailed agreement.